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New perspectives

Posted by on 11:41 pm in Current events, My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

New perspectives

For the past two weeks, my partner (code name: “E”) has been away in London for work. The last time he was away (in January) we were seeing each other maybe 2 or 3 evenings a week. Much has happened in the months since then and I have been breathing his presence every day and every night for most of that time. I am even used to hearing his voice in my sleep (he talks quite a lot in his sleep). So these two weeks have been tough. Something significant has been missing, even though we can talk or video call on the phone. I can only imagine...

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Take me as I am

Posted by on 12:44 am in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

Take me as I am

“We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in.” – Ernest Hemingway I was never a big talker. Big dreamer. Big ponderer. Full of wonder. Absolutely. I was also always plagued by a sense of the fleeting feet of time and our own insignificance as individuals in the grand scheme of things. Those two things drove me to write down my thoughts and record events and the people in my life from a very early age on the journey towards self-awareness, and to seek comfort in letting the written words of others live on in my mind and imagination....

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Once upon a December

Posted by on 6:35 pm in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

Once upon a December

To a dear and magical dancing bear (currently injured): Putting down my thoughts in writing has seldom been a problem, but they turn to dust between my heart and the page when my thoughts turn to you. I wish I could tell you how extraordinary you are in a way that you would believe. [I have scratched out the next sentence 10 times. That's what you do to me ;-)] I know you have been hurt in the past and that you feel somehow unworthy. I feel exactly the same. I do not deserve the pedestal you put me on, so take my hand and let us stand on solid...

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The heart of a lion

Posted by on 10:40 pm in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

The heart of a lion

Sometimes it takes immense courage to take a step towards your own happiness. When the people we care about don’t understand our choices, when those we thought would be happy to see our forward motion (as we are for them) sabotage us or when we have to take an extraordinary leap of faith with our already fragile hearts… I want to say it gets easier as we grow older, but I don’t think that’s true. Age makes us more truly ourselves. As the frivolous things and foolishness of youth falls away, I see in those around me and...

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Losing my voice

Posted by on 6:34 am in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

Losing my voice

I have restarted this post several times. I feel like a stranger to myself, as though I can’t even recognise my own voice at the moment. They say that ‘when days are dark, friends are few’, but that has not been true for me. For each one who has helped / is helping me by letting me hear echoes of my essence, those who offer comfort and a respite from an unreal reality or make me laugh when tears have been my bread and water this past year – thank you with all you know me to be. I didn’t even write a Birthday...

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The weight of continuity – Birthday message 2015

Posted by on 9:35 am in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

The weight of continuity – Birthday message 2015

When I look back on the year that has gone by, it seems a time that has been marked by death. Edna (taken by cancer in her 70s), Ian (who I’ve known since I started working more than a decade ago – suicide), so many famous actors and writers who had a profound influence on my life, development and thoughts – Terry Pratchett, Maya Angelou, Robin Williams… My most profound loss – Micah. Had my father still been alive he would have been 70 in May. New relationships blossomed and died. Friendships I thought would last...

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The big wonder of a small broccoli

Posted by on 9:37 pm in Current events, My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

The big wonder of a small broccoli

Around January of this year I decided to venture my hands at cultivating my own herb and vegetable garden. I have never been known for having the proverbial “green fingers” and only ever really had a couple of indoor plants and/or ferns that required very little. I took to my plan to create my own garden with gusto! I did some research, bought seedlings, wooden planters (protected from the dogs with plastic mesh and a wire fence. I watered the plants daily, rushed home from work to talk to them when I got home, and they responded...

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Load-shedding

Posted by on 8:21 pm in Current events, My Story & Ideas, South Africa | 0 comments

Load-shedding

This past Saturday, Baymax (my car) and I went on an adventure. {Side note: None of the people I tell could believe that I would go so far by myself… in fact, to be completely alone… and not be afraid. It worries me that we have become so driven by fear? I am not wreckless, but really, to drive 2.5 hours and wander around a forest in a nature reserve in the middle of nowhere – is that such a bizarre thing?} Anyway, I wandered off, not lost, following foot paths, exploring a place devoid of the touch of humanity except in the...

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After the storm…

Posted by on 7:16 pm in My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

After the storm…

It feels like an age since I last posted. I’m sorry. In the intervening half-year, I have written things I didn’t post, mainly because many times I felt as though I were failing a test, failing myself… realised I am not nearly as important as my ego (crushed as it already was) had hoped, drew my soul out to the people near to me (sacrificing time, energy, money), dealt with deaths in my immediate surrounds (and realised I had not lost a human I cared about in a dozen years), dealt with personal onslaughts against my...

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Strolling through dreamland kicking ass like a ninja

Posted by on 2:39 pm in Current events, My Story & Ideas | 0 comments

Strolling through dreamland kicking ass like a ninja

Edit – 26 January 2015 – I am doing something today that I have never done before. I am removing a post, not because of weakness or my own foolish heart that was put on display for the world. I cannot say that the one I wrote it for was oblivious or undeserving, for is it our place to judge who is deserving of love, even when they hurt us? The truth is that the thing I learned while writing it was a universal truth and something that should never be obscured by heart-rending gushing that served no purpose in the grander scheme of...

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