For the past two weeks, my partner (code name: “E”) has been away in London for work. The last time he was away (in January) we were seeing each other maybe 2 or 3 evenings a week. Much has happened in the months since then and I have been breathing his presence every day and every night for most of that time. I am even used to hearing his voice in my sleep (he talks quite a lot in his sleep). So these two weeks have been tough. Something significant has been missing, even though we can talk or video call on the phone. I can only imagine what this feeling must be like for spouses who have been together for a lifetime!
Make no mistake, we’ve hit some rough spots as we learned to face challenges together. And the biggest challenge, becoming accustomed to living with another person and at the same time not losing the magic that made us want to live together in the first place. Health issues, children, money, family responsibilities – we’ve seen our share and I am convinced more than ever that I am more blessed than any woman I know to share my life with him.
He sent me a song today which led to searching for more songs by the artist and a few hours lost* in YouTube and TED Talks. This in turn sent me to want to learn more and investigate the Meyers-Briggs and tests based on it, which I took myself first (before reading about it). In hindsight, some of the questions were a bit leading and I see how perhaps I was thinking of a particular situation rather than a general approach which changed my results (particularly in some sections, but at the same time I also think it is good to challenge rather than indulge our innate proclivities – good things come out of that, especially with my personality type), but overall, I was stunned by how accurate the results were…
Here is my profile: https://www.16personalities.com/profiles/0d5b5fab362bb
Take the test at: https://www.16personalities.com/ before reading about the test here: https://www.16personalities.com/articles/our-theory
There is much to learn here and it can be a valuable tool to understanding yourself and others. In particular, I have been thinking a lot lately about the push and pull of “what you want to do” vs “what you have to do” and how to find a balance between the two that is both financially viable and fulfilling or soul-rewarding. Coming from a household used to severe struggle because both my parents wanted things their own way, that weakness and headstrong stubbornness is in me. But thanks to my darling who keeps my feet on the ground when my head wants to fly away, I know there has to be balance and a measure of sacrifice. For most people, what they do as a job is not what they love. And no, doing what you love is neither a sure-fire way to ensure success or happiness (most of the great artists died penniless and tormented – good for posthumous biopics, awful for anyone living through it with them).
However, where most people miss the boat is by neglecting what they love completely, in favour of giving all their energy just to the pursuit of money and spending the rest of their time wastefully and meaninglessly. Any boat 75% under water will inevitably sink. We must put weight also to the things that keep our spirits buoyant.
And so it was that I came upon an idea to help me bring this principle of balance more into my (and our) daily life… a platform for E and I to share the things that make us tick. E is a software developer by day, has more degrees than most, father to three and is often mistaken for Vin Diesel. Myself: Immigration agent by day, part-time writer/editor and dabbler in design, animal-parent.
But when it matters, the side most people don’t see… E is a poet and philosopher, an amazing chef, dancer and audiophile. And I am a maker of stuff, artist, lover of beautiful things and guilty of prosiery (what E calls my poetic prose), a perpetual WONDERer, curious about everything.
Together we are a dynamic team with something to offer the world. Perhaps not in the shape of wise and compassionate progeny with brilliant minds who will change the world and make it better for everyone (because who can ever guarantee that anyway?), but perhaps we can make the lives of others better in some small way, by sharing a part of ours and, by doing so, helping us to rediscover the things we love and pour new and revitalizing intention into it. Perhaps new music we found, a poem, a recipe, something handmade with love. It’s still a work in progress** and under discussion, but it is what my heart is telling me is needed right now.*Songs about missing your love, Teitur, ted talks (YouTube suggestions from previous forays down the rabbit hole), idea of soul mate, loving yourself as a strategy to find and be in a good relationship, the power of introverts, personality types, ta-da! ** Working title: Tales of Wonder & Serenity