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The pursuit of perfection

Posted on Oct 15, 2013 by in Current events, My Story & Ideas

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It worries me… no, it makes me sad and it makes me angry… what people must think about the fact that I am considering changing jobs again. That people are just satisfied with what they complain about every day, that the pursuit of happiness and perfection isn’t worthy, disturbs me deeply. Can people be so self-satisfied or apathetic? Really?

Every day, every moment, is a miracle. If I am spending it in anything less than the pursuit of perfection I am wasting what God (or the universe, choose your force of choice) gave me and I’m showing contempt for my Creator. Can people not understand that? Is it really such a stretch to see where I’m coming from? I am more convinced every day that I don’t belong among people. Give me animals to work with and peace, my dogs, a library or the internet and something to write on… people are for the birds!

If I ever just ‘accept my lot’ then will I be truly defeated. I am not as wreckless as I was when I was younger (I won’t leave my job until there’s something better), but I was not designed to be complacent. Every cell in my body rebels against just settling for anything less than perfection in myself and my circumstances. Some people brand that restlessness and give it a bad connotation. I don’t understand that impulse to make someone with courage to pursue what they want seem smaller than you because it’s not what you would do. If we are not striving towards something better, if we are not improving the world every day by being in it, we might as well be dead, for what are we worth then? So you can call me whatever you want. You can laugh at me, ridicule my decisions and aspirations as much as you want, but my conscience is clear. There are no half-measures with me. Acceptance has its place when it’s something you cannot change, but when it is in my power to change it, I will seek to do so. I will not just accept something because it is easier or – that laughable idea – safe…

Security is the greatest illusion of all! You can die tomorrow (through sudden illness or accident). The person you hang all your joy on can be gone tomorrow, or worse, become ill so that you have to watch them die. What are all the things you love, enjoy or value worth for you if your health is taken away? And yet you will live every day like there will just be another tomorrow just like today…

I can’t do that. My heart and my soul accuse me. I’m not perfect. I take things for granted too (like my senses), but as far as it is in my power to control my mind and live consciously and worshipfully thankful every moment of every day, I will, and I will strive towards circumstances where I am truly and deeply thankful for everything, not just thankful that it isn’t any worse (i.e. not the argument ‘I work for ogres, but at least I have a job’…). I can’t give that to you, but I will hope that your life’s path brings you to this place too, for existing isn’t living and if you’re not living, you might as well be dead…