Thoughts on divorce
I started reading ‘The Four Agreements’ – a potent yet simplistic little book. My first thought was, sadly, that I would kill myself trying to live like that*.
However, I was thinking about the first one – Be impeccable with your word – I think that I got some insight into why divorce is such a big thing in the Torah…
In the modern day, moral values have gone out the window and people are bouncing around playing fast and loose with sex and ok, that’s terrible, but it is the current degenerate state of society, lying, cheating, always after the best or most outrageous fling, forget the baggage or the health or emotional risks.
And sure, I think people in the Torah were probably less angelic and self-controlled than the laws suggest and that’s why , perhaps to compensate, they were allowed to have multiple wives in a patriarchal society. I don’t know how that would work now, but many women are independent and don’t need a man to provide for them anymore and many have grown as corrupt and lascivious as the worst kind of men, but I digress… this is about divorce.
So why then, I wondered, is it that the formal act of divorce, in Biblical times at least, carries such a deep and abiding bad mojo for the parties involved, and I thought that it was have to do with making a vow and then breaking it (for whatever reason). Saying ‘til death do us part, for better or worse’ and then not honouring it…
And the sad thing is that it’s so much easier today. People get divorced as quickly as they fall in and out of love. It is the more wonderful then when I see people who have been married for 20, 30, 40 years and they still look utterly happy and at peace.
Anyway, the movie Oblivion that we watched today wasn’t nearly as good as I hoped or expected, but something he said at the end struck a cord with me:
“Our souls are undimmed by time and unbound by death.”
I love the wedding vows from ‘The Vow’, but if I should ever be so lucky, I want to write my own vows and those words from Oblivion would definitely be in there. It just moved me today in a way I can’t describe.
I wanted to, as an exercise, write those vows today, but it’s been a week of sadness, and I think something must be sacred and true to that moment and my future husband, not something I invent now out of how I think I would feel in a situation where I am getting married.
But, yes, I think that if we were able to all live according to the Four Agreements – Be impeccable with your word, Don’t make assumptions, Don’t take anything personally, and Always do your best – the world would be a much better place. So I will endeavour to do this from now on. I hope you will do the same.
*Further note, 30 July 2013: For the record, I don’t think so anymore – I think now that I could (and will!) do this, but it’s been one heck of a journey to get here!