A valuable lesson
I don’t know if I should feel sad or offended or justified. Earlier Charl and I were talking about the way people can talk (some of the contractors I babysat for Charl while his kitchen was being redone were quite verbose). And then Charl described me as “cold and callous”. I was hurt at first to think that that is what my best friend thinks of me. He tried later to say that he was only joking, but his reply when I asked him what he really thinks was essentially the same (just in different, polite words).
*What you should know about me is that I’m not really a small talker. I am a big proponent of companionable silence. In an average day I speak less than most men. Even more so since I’ve been working from home and only really talk to the dogs and to Charl in the course of an average day.*
And then, when I worked through the initial hurt – this took all of the 10 minutes on the drive home – I realised that there was a valuable lesson to be learned here… that no matter how evolved in spirit I may think I am, I am not at the point of LOVE (600 on the Scale of Consciousness) yet. I give freely, abundantly and unconditionally of my time, energy and being to people I feel are worthy. That’s my mistake. I cannot judge who is worthy. Someone I meet by chance could be far more worthy than someone I think of as a friend or colleague (which effectively is a judgement motivated by self-interest).
Realising that made me realise again how far short I fall of the mark. I am so eager to learn, but only what I want from who I want, when I am no better perhaps (on some levels) than a person on the street holding a piece of cardboard that says “Unemployed. Please help.” The path of life and many lives just dealt us slightly different hands. I am almost certain that at some point on my soul’s karmic journey I had to have been there too.
I did a turn through the mental realm of attempting to justify my approach by saying to myself that the people who really know me know that I’m warm and kind and gentle… but the key there (the voice of self-accusation says) is “to them” and sure, I have my moments when I am kind to strangers, give money to the poor or make small talk with people who will probably never cross my path again, but I don’t do that every opportunity I get and that’s so wrong. My light, when it shines, is so bright, but how dark is the darkness when it’s off? It is my duty to be the light and enrich the lives of everyone with whom my path crosses, because who knows how much that interaction could mean to them? I even tried to use the Mind Power motto that I’m not encouraging people to get caught up in their baggage as an excuse, but the hard, stark truth is that while Charl could have described me as “reserved and distant”, he chose the words “cold and callous”.
I feel bad for being such a bad example, for not reflecting the Glory of God as I ought to and want to (through a simple change of attitude that thankfully it is in my power to effect), and at the same time I am grateful for the lesson. I want to be better. I want to be great. I want to live so that no-one can say any bad thing about me – at least not something anyone would believe.
I am the Voice.
I lead not follow.
I create not destroy.
I am a force for good.
I am a force for God.
I am a leader.
Defy the odds.
Set a new standard.
Step up. Step up. Step up.
(Thank you Anthony Robbins & Robin Banks!)